It Really Does Explain A Lot

Dear Noan:

After many years of therapy, to determine the source of my hostility toward animals, my psychologist and I finally had a breakthrough.  It dates back to my very early formative years, sitting in a highchair, eating food from my baby plate (photo attached).  Evidently, as I matured and was taught how evil smoking is, and how all smoking furry role models should be held in disrepute, in my young and developing mind, that advice somehow transmogrified into kicking dogs (and rabbits, and cats and other animals-- I am, after all, an Equal Opportunity Animal Kicker).  Just the other day, I found Skruffy hiding a stash of cigs in the back room, and I administered justice with the business end of my shoe, but I am still in counseling, to learn restraint and forgiveness.

Trusting you as I do, I know I am safe sharing this with you, assured that it will never become part and parcel of your blog.  I so value our deep and abiding friendship, and can rely on your utmost discretion in keeping this confidential.  I don't know how I could ever show my face again, if my neighbors knew what "damaged goods" I once was (and, some say, still am).

Very sincerely,

DKG